The 3Tards - Crystal Balls Review
Posted By Chris Lamb on 07.07.2006
If you're calling yourself The 3Tards, don't have 4 members in the band...

The Inside Pulse:
Hailing from Toronto, The 3Tards are a four piece punk/ska outfit that has played with such legendary bands as Dayglo Abortions and the Misfits. With their first release through Wounded Paw Records, The 3Tards look to make a rise in the Canadian punk scene.

Positives: To their credit, they seem to be enjoying themselves on this record immensely. Without taking themselves seriously, they exude a definite energy on this record. As well, the production on this record is very slick. The drums sound crisp, the guitars are well audible, and the vocals sound pristine.

Also, I give huge points to anyone that wears a Michael Bolton t-shirt on their album cover.

Negatives: On the other hand, I doubt anyone else will take them seriously. The lyrics, at best, are juvenile and get rather annoying real quick. With classic tracks such as "Big Dog Little Dick", "Manrapist", and "Sodomy Road", it's clear that they will never break into the mainstream. And I'm sure that suits them just fine.

Cross-breed: You know that drunk friend that always sings and thinks he's the greatest vocalist since Joe Strummer? Yeah, he fronts this band. Behind him is a fantastic band that could go far with an at least passable vocalist.

Reason to buy: If you're 12, enjoy dick jokes and generic punk music, you might like this disc. For everyone else, don't even bother.